passion fruit

I am having a crappy day. Here I am, I get home from class and I have to work at 11, which leaves me enough time for... jack shit. I hate working at 11. I have about an hour to do nothing. They have shaved off an hour here and there on everyone's schedules at work, and it's really annoying because I have a trivial amount of time to do nothing of any importance. I could be making money instead. But no. What a waste of time.

I started feeling ill in class... my stomach was upside down and I got really dizzy. I'm not sure what caused it, I didn't eat breakfast and I got up at 6:30 so I guess that could have affected me. My cat inhaled his food and just puked it all up all over my carpet. I also missed the recycling for the second time. I have a bunch of bags outside full of bottles... I'm glad it's not summer (although it's trying, with the weather today) or the flies would have a field day on crusty old beer. I am trying hard to stay optimistic, but this day has just begun and it's already pissing me off.

My final exam for my last class will be either next Thursday or Friday. I have a little over a week to somehow turn myself around. I got my quiz back and it was terrible, I think it was a D. That may have affected how I felt physically, too. I think I had an A before that. He even asked to talk to me after class... of course all he did was ask me what happened. I know what happened, I wasn't prepared for how involved the quiz was and I was not comfortable with the material at all. Fucking sucks. Today is stupid. It's only 10 o'clock.

But no, I shouldn't let myself think that, because then I'm letting my pessimism get the best of me. Sometimes it's easy, to just give up and assume everything has gone to shit. For one day, I guess it wouldn't harm me that much to be annoyed. But then part of me believes that if I believe that, my attitude will make it more likely for things to continue going wrong. I will try to feel better and know that today is just a tiny piece of of my life, microscopic in the grand scheme of things. I refuse to let myself be negatively affected by other people today. And myself. This is when my self-confidence is tested, and I won't give up on myself again. I will keep trudging along... that's what these incidents are for, right? To learn how to be a better, stronger person?

Sure. Let's just go with that, because flowery, inspirational self pep talks will only piss me off right now.