sesh #58

two things.

i can't tolerate fake people. they are a waste of my time and i am only interested in genuine, sincere people who have their hearts in honorable places and work hard and play hard. i'm lucky to have awesome friends who encapsulate these traits, however in the last year i've been meeting a lot more people. i had forgotten that there are people out there who do not meet my criteria. at all. this is all fine and good, i don't expect everyone to be what i want in myself, BUT!...

it's been a challenge learning how to be careful. since i'm not used to dealing with these scheisty-ass fakers, i need to be cautious and keep myself protected before i start throwing the word 'friend' around. and what the fuck is up with fake, contradictory people saying THEY want genuine people in their lives? i get to know them and slowly the holes in their stories reveal themselves... how do they think they deserve honest people in their lives when they aren't honest themselves? if they keep getting disappointed, i do not feel sorry for them.

thing number two...

those i care about know i'm gay, and i guess other people are figuring it out too. blahblah that's that. but with that comes all this bullshit about lesbians not wanting to hang out with other inexperienced lesbians. i guess if all i cared about was sex then yeah sure, fair enough. but really? i think it's a pretty fucked up stipulation that will keep you from possibly finding someone worthwhile (if that's something you're interested in).

i know that if someone can't see past that, then i shouldn't give a shit about them anyway because their priorities are too different from mine. but i feel resentful that the physical is enough to hold people back from learning more. then there is always the comparison to people not hiring you for a job because you don't have enough experience in that job. thanks for labeling me a lost cause when you don't even know me.

dating is enough like some emotional job interview process, i guess i shouldn't be surprised that the criticism and judgment extend further and deeper.

oh well, your loss.