challengers

i wish i could make a private journal entry so i could choose who sees it, i need to get some shit off my chest. but i guess i'll just... not. writing it all out and erasing it doesn't do it for me. i already did that. i am fighting pride. i'm fighting the urge to do what's wrong when i've already technically dealt with the situation. it's over and done.

i wish i could get away from richmond for a while... but the problem is you can never really go somewhere and be a new person. i feel incredibly misunderstood and don't really know how to convince people that everything i've done and everything i do comes from trying to reach a balance between what is best for everyone, including myself. it's not often where doing what's right for me fucks something else up, so it's been a great challenge for me to not beat myself up over it. although really, let's be honest, it was the fucking up that came first that made me have to rescue myself.

i just need to not care. because it is impossible for everyone to be cool with you. there's going to be someone who isn't... there's going to be someone who has an image of you that isn't on point... so fuck it, right? all i can do is what's best for myself and try to do it in a way that causes the least amount of destruction. i could have done a better job of this before. but i was wronged and sometimes you have to cut the cord, albeit crudely, before you get strung along it that much more.

you live and you learn. fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me. not everyone can be friends, although if i had my way, we all would be. i honestly harbor no resentment towards anybody.

i only burn bridges when necessary. it's not easy, but we all have to make choices. it makes me sad that things have to operate that way sometimes...