destroy and rebuild; repeat indefinitely.

i am irritated. please excuse any immature and irrational delivery.

there are so many stupid people in the world. maybe i am one of them for thinking i'm not one of them, but every day i am reminded. i don't want my heart to be consumed by anger, but sometimes it seems virtually impossible. stupid people, doing stupid things, ruining the world. it was halfway ruined already i guess. man insists on destroying and rebuilding. destroying, killing, birthing and rebuilding flimsily, making his arrogant mark. people are so mindless, happy to live in a bubble of ignorance. i sat at a stoplight today and watched everyone, immersed in their ridiculous and pointless activities. most of them were talking on cell phones. maybe because of my job, i feel like most people around me are blissfully unaware of anything going on that matters.

these stupid people are having too many stupid babies. please stop having children. every time i see photos or news on facebook about another girl getting pregnant, i grit my teeth. most smart people are smart enough not to have them, thus the world is filling with idiots.

i always held humans in contempt. with this came an unavoidable, substantial dose of self-contempt. i was always irritated that i could in some way be grouped, by species, gender, race, interests, or events, with horrible people. in my lowest moments i wonder if i am a fraud.

i see all these people who will live out their lives without achieving anything worthwhile. i sound insensitive, but you know that's true, some people don't ever do anything. i know it's a matter of opinion whether someone does something influential, but everyone gets wrapped up in daily life and it all starts to blend together. lives look the same from person to person, different colors and textures don't change the end results all that much.

so then, if we don't really do anything worthwhile... what's the point? why are we alive? so that dumb people can be 'happy' and hollow, and people like me waste their time hating those people, trying to use their anger to fuel an effort to achieve something of which to be proud?

how discouraging.

i have little concern for responsibility right now. i am apathetic towards my daily tasks. it's all i can do to put my energy into the happy mask i need to function at work. because let's face it, i would be screwed if i lost my job. then i'd be even angrier.

on which side would you rather be?

neither makes good.