so, cool thing: i thought i only had 27 hours paid time off for the rest of the year, which i would use for my week long christmas vacation in seattle. which would mean i have no extra PTO hours to use, so yesterday being sick would be unpaid. BUT! apparently i have 27 IN ADDITION to the week of PTO hours the HR girl had already factored into my vacation. so i have 27 extra. fuckin' awesome, so i'm getting paid for yesterday and i won't be totally broke.
so that's the good thing.
bad thing.
i did something fucked tonight. i have said i don't believe in regret, but i might have to change that now. i regret what i did. and i regret what i didn't do. i feel even guiltier because of WHY i didn't do the right thing. i am a coward. tonight is one i would never want to repeat. it doesn't matter what it was, just that it brought out the worst in me and i am shocked, angry and completely disappointed in myself. i thought that i had grown to be a better person, but in the spur of the moment my panic took over, my heart raced, and i did what i did.
it situations like this, i wish there was at least something fun to get out of it. no fun here. it's not like having unprotected sex or stealing from someone who doesn't deserve it. i got no pleasure, i got no things. i ended up with nothing but shame.
walked for two hours. ipod blasting. it helped while i was gone, but now i'm back.
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