i stayed home from work today. the sickness got me finally. i'm on the verge of losing my (beautiful, melodic, soothing) voice, so naturally i'm gonna get on here and write since i can't talk. act like you don't love it.
so yeah, i can't afford to not work. i'm a little concerned about it. penny pinching for realz this week. but i'm not sweating it, i'm in a very life's-too-short-to-sweat-the-small-stuff phase. i won't spend much, i won't eat much. i will walk more, and work more. and cheaply play more.
i was perusing blogs today, in my ill internet stupor that consumed me when i wasn't consumed by sleep. there are some really fucking cool ones out there. some are hilarious and it makes me wish my entries were funnier. then some are really artsy and well-designed and that's really fuckin' cool too. makes me think i should devote more time to making mine look cool. really though, on my long to-do list, focusing on my blog is not at the top.
on another internet-related note, twitter is really starting to blow up. it's getting so that when i check it daily, there are tons of updates that aren't even on the page anymore. i'm kinda stoked on it. i like seeing the random/funny shit my friends and acquaintances say that i'd never know otherwise. i'm also glad i only get mobile updates from cnn and my friend sage in chicago, because whoa my phone would be blowing up.
speaking of phones. i'm dyin' over here. i really wish i could afford to make the iphone transition. my phone is fucking up all the time, it's time for one that works. what better way to stay pathetically linked to the interwebz (that which bums me out most of the time but i'm addicted to anyway) than to have a device that is always virtually flawlessly connected? fuck. i will be a zombie of internet madness when my iphone day comes. not to mention the slimness of an iphone would be a huge improvement to the bulkiness of my current POS. i've sworn off purses, i just cannot be bothered with that shit anymore, so i'm carrying around a thick phone that interrupts the sexy smooth line of my rear end. har. i bought my last new leather item this past weekend, a super slim magic wallet on mega sale. the perfect necessity for a wallet/phone/chapstick girl like me. i was stoked and resigned. the fat wallet issue is resolved, now the fat phone issue needs to be resolved.
i kinda wish i could go back in time and live a week when the internet didn't exist yet. where the internet now saves us time, it adds time in other ways. i barely remember the internet-less days. i cannot imagine growing up with the internet how it is, now. yet another reason why i do not want children. the internet is incredibly resourceful, but also teeming with false information and time-wasting sites. call me old-fashioned, but if i were a parent i doubt i could compete with all that's out there. my kid would suck. i'm not sure if this is right or wrong, but i think puberty is the proper time for kids to get cell phones, have freedom on the internet. some conservative people would argue that this is precisely the worst time for such things, but uh, so that makes it ok for a 6 year-old to be texting her bff on her cell phone? to be glued to some sort of screen all the time instead of seeing the world with her own eyes? ugh. yeah, not having kids. i am smart and devoted to things i care about, but that shit would be too overwhelming and a lost cause. i'm not in this world to have bratty kids who don't know what the world is really about. and don't care to find out. and LBH they'd probably end up obese despite my best efforts.
one thing i've realized about myself: i always knew i didn't like people, in general, that much. as a child, i preferred the company of animals to people because i felt that other kids my age were idiotic (i mean, how smart is a 5 year old going to be? i'm a little harsh) and i didn't have time for their childish antics. unfortunately i had a habit of making that clear to everyone around me... that was fun for my parents to deal with. anyway, i like people more now, and i have some good friends for whom i'd do anything. still, overall i'm not a big fan. the thing that i've realized is that i love figuring out what makes people tick. i love watching people, i love hearing people talk, as long as i'm not expected to participate too much. i even like meeting people as long as the pressure isn't on me to keep conversation going, because like i've said before, i'm horrible at casual chit chat. i love studying people. all the stupid and complicated things we do and reasons why we do them, it's fascinating. i guess it's why i like walking so much, i get to see everything around me. i see new things, i randomly see shit i never used to see. and i get to see people without being expected to interact with them.
i am almost 24 and i'm just now learning how to not be completely socially inept. learning compassion has also been hard. learning how to soften myself so i'm not totally intense and super opinionated right off the bat has taken time, too. not to mention being judgmental. it's always a struggle for me to know when to keep my mouth shut. i'm slowly learning that one too. ahh life, you are weird. and you make me want an iphone so bad, so that i may be incognito and take and upload photos of ridiculous people more easily.
compassion... really... i has it... somewhere...
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